Thursday, April 19, 2007

To be or not to be, that is the question...

We've just finished up reading Shakespeare's Hamlet in English class. As a joke my teacher gave us this version of the book. It is something that teachers want to give elementary school kids to read so that they can be introduced to the great works of literature at a young age.... This is 100% serious.. It made me laugh so maybe it will make you laugh, too! Something else that made me laugh... whoever wrote this managed to condence all of Hamlet into this little story and I just read a 200 page book!

See the man. What a funny man. His name is Hamlet. He is a prince. He is sad. Why are you sad, Hamlet?

"I am sad for my father has died" says Hamlet "My father was the king"

Where are you going, Hamlet?

"I am going to the Castle" says Hamlet

On the way he meets a ghost. "Where are you going?" asks the ghost

"I am going to the castle" says Hamlet

"Boo, Boo" says the ghost

"What is your name, you silly ghost?" Ask Hamlet clapping his hands.

"I am your father," says the ghost "I was a good king. Uncle Claudius is a bad king. He gave me poison. Would you like poison?"

"Oh, no" says Hamlet "I would not like poision."

"Will you avenge me, Hamlet?"says the ghost

"Oh yes" says Hamlet "I will avenge you. What fun it will be to avenge you."

On the way he meets a girl.

"where are you going? asks the girl.

I am going to the castle" says Hamlet

Ha, ha says the girl

What is your name? asks Hamlet.

My name is Ophelia says the girl

"Why are you laughing?" asks Hamlet "you are a silly goose."

"I laugh because you are so funny." says Ophelia. "I laugh because you are schizophrenic. Are you schizophrenic?"

"I am not schizophrenic" says Hamlet "I pretend to be schizophrenic. I pretend, for what to fool my uncle. What fun it is to pretend that I am schizophrenic."

See Hamlet run. Run, Hamlet, run.

He is going to his mothers room.

"Oh, I have something to tell you mother." says hamlet. "Uncle Claudius is bad. He gave my father poison. Poison is not good. I do not like poison. Do you like poison?"

"Oh, no indeed!" says his mother. "I do not like poison"

"Oh, there is uncle claudius," says Hamlet "He is hiding behind the curtin. Why is he hiding behind the curtain? I shall stab him. What fun it will be to stab him through the curtain."

Stab, Hamlet, Stab

See Uncle Claudius's blood gush.

Gush, blood, gush.

See Uncle Claudius fall. How funny he looks, stabbed.

Ha. Ha. Ha

But it is not Uncle Claudius.

It is Polonius. Polonius is Ophelia's father.

What fun Hamlet is having.

"You are naughty, Hamlet." says Hamlet's mother. "You have stabbed Polonius."

But Hamlet's mother is not cross. She loves Hamlet. He is a good boy.

And Hamlet loves his mother. She is a good mother. Hamlet loves his mother very much.

See Hamlet run. Run, Hamlet, run.

Where are you going Hamlet?

"I am going to find Uncle Claudius"

On the way he passes a brook. In the brook he sees Ophelia.

Ophelia is drowning.

"Where are you going?" asks the man

"I am going to find Uncle Claudius."

"oh! I am Laertes," says the man "Let us draw swords. Let us duel."

"I don't think I'm going to find Uncle Claudius." Says Hamlet

See Hamlet and Laertes Duel

See Hamlet stab Laertes.

See Hamlets mother drink poison

See Hamlet stab King Claudius

See everybody wounded and bleeding and dying and dead.

What fun they are having!


Anonymous said...

this is funny... in a wierd way... Its a Ms Larhis thing

Goldfish said...

I just came back (okay, I must confess, I dawdled at a friends room for an hour :) from the play "Much Ado About Nothing" by Shakespeare. So I thought I would comment. Very... interesting way to put it....